“The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite”A Course In Miracles
I cannot emphasize this enough: Our beliefs shape the world we see.
Good and bad.
The great news is, we can choose our beliefs. We first have to become aware of the beliefs we hold onto to, the ones we cling to for our identity, or as a foundation in life. Why do we hold onto them? Some of these beliefs no longer serve us, while some may help us.
- “Of course I always eat a healthy breakfast, it’s the most important meal of the day!”
- This belief helps us by nourishing our bodies, the vehicles through which we experience life
- “I’ll never get out of this sh*tty place.”
- This belief tries to comfort us by giving us a sense of place and identity, but turns the blinders on so we can’t be open to, or aware of, new possibilities and options in life
One of the critical pieces of getting, and staying, sober was working through my fears with someone who had already travelled this path. Listing out every single grudge, resentment, and piece of anger that I could think of, and THEN, oh, and then! The shame: what was MY part in it?
Tip: usually your part is holding onto that anger and adding it to your collection of core beliefs, like “I will always be abandoned by men” or “Women are all backstabbing biznitches.” These do not have to be true, and in fact aren’t true at all, except that you BELIEVE they are, and so you subconsciously draw people into your life who fulfill those beliefs. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy, in the worst possible way.
Oh, and then, we go deep. We identify the FEAR behind the anger, the resentment. It may be something like, the fear of financial or physical insecurity. The fear of being alone. The fear of not being good enough (dingdingding!). All of a sudden, it’s not about that person who called you weird when you were six years old, is it? The responsibility is back on you. Turn that around: The POWER is back on you.
You have the power.
Responsibility = power. You have the power of choice. That power and responsibility is freedom. Us humans have the gift of free will. We get to choose. We get to decide. We get to change. Do you want to hold onto those fears? Those resentments, that eat away at you like a cancer? Do you want your core beliefs and identity to be fear-based? Well, guess what? Little six-year old Susan from however many years ago doesn’t get to make that choice for you. You get to.
The opposite of love is fear. Love is all-encompassing. So, I invite you to choose love. In everything, in moments of anger, frustration, sadness, in all of your humanness, choose compassion and love. Choose to walk away. Choose to bite your tongue when only nasty, snappy comebacks rise up.
Know that in fear, in that scary and weak feeling of powerlessness, people often choose anger. Anger can make us feel powerful, and indeed is a higher vibration than fear. It gives a sense of control over the uncontrollable. Pointing fingers, blaming, telling people they “shouldn’t have” done this or gone there, that they should know better – it all just makes us feel more powerful, smarter than, better than. Good enough.
Don’t get sucked into it. Don’t finger-wag the naysayers and the angry people. See beyond their anger to their fear. Show compassion. Don’t comment. Don’t get sucked into the fray of trying to be “better than.”
Choose new beliefs. Choose to know that you are already good enough, just as you are, in your humanness. You are doing the very best you can with what you have. We all are. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.
When I got sober back in 2006, and people said they were grateful to be alcoholics, and that our pain can help others, I never imagined the value it would have. But now I see, and I really am grateful. I’m grateful that alcohol was but a (very loud and obnoxious) symptom, that helped me change my way of thinking. I’m grateful for the lifelong path of growth and self-discovery it launched me on. I’m grateful that my pain and anger and despair can help others now, because I know that we can and will get through this, and get to the other side of it all.
If you want someone to hold your hand and help walk you through your own journey of facing your fears, I’m here for you. I am available for one-on-one video coaching sessions, just contact me here, or send me a DM on my social media. I have yet to set up a sales page here, I’m sorry! It’s a goal for this month. Anyway, know that you are perfect, you are whole, you are safe, you are enough. Choose life. Choose trust. Choose love.
Much peace and hugs to you all,