It’s been a while, friends. I allowed my life to get nice and busy so I didn’t have to stop and reflect. And still, every morning I would set my intention to be an anchor of light and hope on this Earth, that all that is not meant for me will drop away, and that which is for me can find me with ease as I shine bright.

“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…” 

Hermes Trismegistus

This has been my intention every single day for at least a year now, so it should come as no surprise to me that layer after layer continues to be released, and new and more beautiful opportunities arise. I have been continually supported in all of these big changes, and lean into them with trust and relaxation, ease and acceptance.

So why is it now, when Taiwan has been hit with its very first wave of restrictions and semi-lockdown, that I feel scared (fear, by the way, being a lack of faith)? The classes that I did not love, but brought me easy and consistent money, gone. What is left is my new job with an outdoor adventure company, and my Reiki and jewelry. With this consistent income gone (for now), anxiety hits. And yet again, I ask: how is this any different than what I have been asking for, every single day, for months on end?

Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait, and wait without anxiety.

A Course in Miracles

Aside from that, I feel frustrated and impatient. It dawned on me that impatience is a lack of willingness to wait on the Universe/ God/ whatever to provide. If I am not willing to wait, then I’m not living in faith. I’m not leaning deeply into that trust which has so consistently provided for me over the years.

To put it simply, patience is faith. Patience is trust.

When I am being impatient, I am not trusting.

When I am anxious and fearful, I am not living in faith.

I have proved over and over again that me controlling things in my life, deciding I knew what was best for me, was not successful at all. Fighting and resisting the flow of life, was not successful at all. Perhaps you can relate. Life, like a strong deep river, will sweep us all up in its current sooner or later. It is easier to surrender to its flow than to try gripping on to a rock or a log, getting knocked about by debris. Trust that this current will carry you to something more beautiful than you could ever imagine.

And choose. Every single day, choose to lean into faith. Be patient. Trust. Let go of that which you’ve been gripping onto so tightly that your fingers are shaking. Even if you think you don’t have proof yet, I encourage you to let this possibility in for a second: what if there is something so much better for you in store? What if this period of quiet, this forced retreat, were a time of restructuring and rebuilding? A time to reassess, reevaluate, what is important to you? What are you happy to not have in your life today? What do you miss and wish you had more of? Why might you believe it’s not possible for you to fill your life with what you love, what brings you joy?

Yes, changing our lives can be scary. Things look different. But what a gift, what better time, than when the outer world is forcing change and restructuring upon us.

I encourage you, like me, to do your best to lean into faith. To take a deep breath, relax, and “let go and let God.” And begin to entertain the possibility that maybe, just maybe, things are going to turn out even better than you could possibly have imagined.